Hello Guys!!! it’s always been ages and I’m really trying to do something about how I’m treating this space. I hope you have been great in 2021 so far?
Some one might throw a brick at me and ask what my problem is by the time they trace the topic to be a third part of the trilogy I was supposed to post about a year ago. I remember a few readers in my DM seriously waiting for the third and final part
All I can sincerely say is I was not ready. I was ready to share my pain but I was ready to lie about an emotional healing just to make myself look good or feel accomplished emotions that I knew was not there. If 2020 taught me anything, its “things take time”, so when it comes to my mental health, I take all the time I need to heal because healing takes time.
Its past 3:00am right now and I just had a brief reflection of of the past one year, and I had to just open up a page here to write and let it out. So from July 2020 till now has been a journey and I’m grateful for it. From how I kept doing everything possible to stay afloat mentally, emotionally, socially (COVID just came to make everything worse) to how I’m literally being thankful I was able to have the experience and come out sane and whole.
Beginning of 2020, I went back to start my post graduate studies, had a thriving business by the side, a few projects I was working on that took my time, friends around always made me laugh often but still there was a void. I would go back home and coil myself in bed, sometimes crying myself to sleep.
Now I had carefully graduated unto a stage of healing; I wasn’t battling the need to be completed, I was battling the feeling of emptiness, I had literally let go of all emotions, filling myself with new emotions became my priority but the hardest thing why????
Nobody told me it was that difficult, I think for me, this was the most difficult phase.
Picking yourself up from a dark place is not easy, all glory to God really cos he did that!!!!
Many times, I would catch myself still angry at myself, questioning myself, lying to myself just because I wanted to feel better by all means but In the course of the last one year, I have learnt a few things that saw me through to the end of the tunnel and just helped me in my whole healing process
- Allow yourself be vulnerable:
Do not tell yourself unnecessary lies, if you aren’t feeling a hundred, it’s perfectly okay. Be okay with not being okay. Don’t try to put up a fake show of happiness (Now I’m not saying look like a peasant cos you don’t feel good please)Allow yourself feel every emotions one day at a time. cry if you have to, sing in the shower, take walks, just allow your emotions be free. Don’t bottle up, it never ends well at least for me it didn’t…
- Give yourself Some time alone:
Many people do not know how precious the “alone time” is, they have never being alone and do not know how to start being on their own. Being alone, gives you the chance to be vulnerable with your emotions, you learn more about yourself without the influence of others, you learn to be emotionally dependent, you hold yourself accountable for a lot of decisions you take and most of all, you learn to love yourself even more.
free advice: if you are not emotionally healed from a previous relationship, don’t take your emotionally clustered life and throw it unto someone else. Keep taking time for yourself until you are you again
- Forgive yourself enough to realize the parts of you that still need healing:
NO! It wasn’t your fault you feel how you feel and even if it was, feeling guilty and taking the blame wont turn the hands of time, stop being angry at yourself for things you let slide, for putting yourself in the situation in the first place. It already happened, the world is not going to stop so you go back and have a re-do. Forgive yourself, for everytime you remember a situation that makes you angry at yourself, I learnt to forgive myself, I spoke kindly to myself and gradually, as the anger evaporates, healing starts taking full effect in that part.
You’ve got to accept the fact that things have changed, that your world is different and you need to start living with it
Sometimes people do not want to hear the truth because they do not want their illusion destroyed but dear someone, you can’t lie to yourself forever. Acceptance is the first stage of healing, If you do not accept the fact, you will be stuck in the cycle realization and constant emotional agony
- Set New Challenges:
This is for the sense of fulfillment, it could be a saving challenge, a writing challenge, giving challenge, reading challenge even candy crush is a challenge hahahahaha, anything that helps you set new targets, it gives you a sense of fulfillment when you hit your target, it helps take your mind and helps you focus on certain things
I did this with reading and saving; I would focus my mind on getting my account balance increased and chol book pages flipped. It helped my mind and definitely helped my pocket grow
- REMEMBER THAT SOMETIMES, NOT HAVING YOUR WAY IS GOD SENDING YOU A CLEAR MESSAGE
- Stay dependent on a POSITIVE source of happiness:
For me, Jesus was my source of Joy. I tried my best to stay glued to the word, building my spirit daily through worship and motivational preaching on Youtube . yes! sometimes I fell short, I would relapse back and sleep for hours and listen to whispers of the enemy tell me what I’m not but when caught myself, I would hold myself and speak the word to my mind and my spirit. It’s very easy for you to hold on to the negative source of happiness but its only but for the moment, it never lasts and it leaves you in regret… so I heard lol